After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
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