Rock
Scissors
Fuck
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
