Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
