Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
