dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
