As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
