I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Is it penis luge time yet?
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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