i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
