Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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