I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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