Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Randomize
