her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
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