brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
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