I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
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