Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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