Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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