for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
