vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
