Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
