if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
