East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
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