Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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