I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
