I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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