How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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