dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
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