Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
