you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
it's like iHOP with fire
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Randomize
