see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Randomize
