Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
