Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
