I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
