come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Randomize
