When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
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