i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
