Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
