I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
