wanna go halves on a baby?
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize
