i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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