I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
