I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
