They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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