her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
