Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize
