I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
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