Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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