I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
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