I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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