Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
