you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
